Just as I was about to start typing I heard these exact words: "hyenas have a reputation for biting people's faces off in the dark".

Then I started thinking. They either have very big jaws, or they only choose small-faced victims. Because for your face to be bitten off without you waking up and realising, it would have to be done in one bite... Then I thought if this is widely known, why don't they just tell people to keep the lights on through the night? And what's so tasty about a face, anyway? Why don't we see pig or chicken faces on the menu in expensive restaurants?

Anyway, it makes the threat of a Crimewatch style scenario of a burglar breaking in and shitting in your fridge pale in comparison. So, next time you see Crimewatch, don't worry. You might lose your jewellry or find a turd on your cheese, but at least your face should be left intact.